|
New Questions |
|
(The most recent that are new
or with revisions) |
• |
Entertainment
– revised NOV 2024 |
• |
Demonic possession
– revised NOV 2024 |
• |
Parental Failures
– revised NOV 2024 |
• |
Discernment
of Spirits
– revised MAY 2024 |
• |
Depression
Because of a Narcissistic Mother
– revised APR 2024 |
• |
How to
become a good Catholic despite emotional wounds from an abusive mother
– revised NOV 2023 |
• |
Finding love when
love was missing in childhood
– 23 JUL 2023 |
• |
Wanting to
change the past – revised 30 APR 2023 |
• |
Curing self-hatred
– revised 23 APR 2023 |
• |
Does Mass validity
depend on following the rules?
– 8 JAN 2023 |
• |
Livid at commie
Democrats
– 26 JUN 2022 |
• |
Quietism
– 23 OCT 2022 |
• |
Women’s
intuition
– 3 OCT 2022 |
• |
How to deal
with emotions
– 10 AUG 2022 |
• |
How the devil kills
two birds with one stone
– 14 JUL 2022 |
• |
Something missing in
my emotional healing
– 3 OCT 2021 |
• |
Danger of the COVID-19
vaccine? |
• |
OCD fear of hell
– 27 JUN 2021 |
• |
Orthodox
Psychotherapy
– 5 JUN 2021 |
• |
Do I have ADD?
– 31 JAN 2021 |
• |
Now what? America is doomed?
– 7 JAN 2021 |
• |
Heretic Pope?
– 5 JUL 2016 |
• |
Traditional
Catholic or Sedevacantist? – revised 30 AUG
2020 |
• |
Live-streamed
Masses – 12 APR
2020 |
• |
Corona
Virus – 16 MAR
2020 |
• |
Lead us not
into temptation – 17 AUG
2019 |
• |
Biblical
anger? – 29 JUN
2019 |
• |
Scientifically
skeptical – 21 JAN
2019 |
• |
Asperger’s
Syndrome in marriage – 13 JAN
2019 |
• |
What qualities
make up good mental health? – 19 SEP
2018 |
• |
Estranged
from a narcissistic mother. – 24 APR
2018 |
• |
My daughter is
addicted to marijuana. – 17 APR
2018 |
• |
How do I trust
God? I know I’m supposed to but I can’t. – 19 MAR
2018 |
• |
How long
will I be troubled by temptations? – 12 AUG
2017 |
• |
When your
spouse is BPD
– 22 APR 2015 |
• |
Christian
bakeries
– 9 APR 2015 |
• |
Low
self-esteem
– 19 MAY
2014 |
• |
Unconscious
anger and sin – 18 NOV
2013 |
• |
Paralyzed in
a dysfunctional family – 6 AUG
2013 |
• |
Parental love
for a child – 18 JUN
2012 |
• |
Honor
your father and your mother – 22 APR
2012 |
• |
Why it’s
important for women to wear a veil when praying
– 21 MAR 2012 |
• |
Bullying
and Revenge – 21 APR
2011 |
• |
Procrastination
– 6 APR 2011 |
• |
The
Original Protective Purpose of Psychological Defenses
– 2 JAN 2011 |
|
Hate Mail updated 26 APR
2014 |
|
Detachment from the World |
• |
Thank you
for this website. You’ve saved my life, I think. . . .
But none of the priests in my Church preaches these things. None of the
parishioners lives this way, and none of my family and friends lives this
way. What am I supposed to do now? |
• |
Why wasn’t
I taught any of this in Church? |
• |
How can
I find guidance if the odds are so pathetic I’m going to find a priest
who truly practices the faith? ...my greater fear is how would I know that
I’m not placing my trust in an abuser/rapist? Even if he is not exploitative
to me, personally. |
• |
I’m
not certain I could live up to the standards of living you have mentioned.
I’m wondering if you have to be born inherently good in order to live
that righteously. (That feels like too strong a word, but the only one that
comes to mind.) |
• |
[I am preparing
to enter an RCIA program, and everyday is a new test and I feel like I am
failing every one of them. I feel like the tests are here to show me that
I can’t do this. Even at Church today I felt helpless. The reading [Luke
9:51-62] was talking about the disciples of Jesus and I didn’t understand
what was going on. What is He trying to tell me? . . . Why
would Jesus not want us to bury our dead? |
• |
Every
time I say the Our Father I wonder what it means, “Lead us not
into temptation.” Would God be that mean to us to tempt us? I’ve
never heard an explanation that isn’t just a fancy cover up of what
seems to be the obvious yet shouldn’t be. |
• |
Wait a minute.
Christ never told us not to smoke or not to drink our diet colas. What does
giving up these things have to do with a spiritual life? |
• |
What’s
wrong with sports? Don’t they teach us fair play? |
• |
Is it a sin to get a tattoo? Some of
them are really bad, but what about flowers and nice things, or religious pictures? My daughter got
one on her ankle, and I think it looks cute. I was thinking of getting one too. |
• |
Is it possible
to engage in sports without becoming overly competitive? Certain sports foster
aggressive activity but others like ping pong seem to be less aggressive.
What about playing board games such as “Monopoly” or “trivial
Pursuit” or various card games? |
• |
But can
some forms of entertainment such as wholesome movies and classical music
provide a momentary way to “chill out,” “escape,” or
relax? What about watching religious programming such as EWTN? What about
news programs? How do you suggest that people stay abreast of what is happening
in the world around them? |
• |
What do you think
of the Harry Potter and Tolkien fantasy books? |
• |
This all sounds
like that silly medieval idea of hating the world. What’s wrong with
God’s creation? |
• |
But
how should we live with respect to our churches, our
communities? . . . All this to say, it seems to me there is
a certain value to secular education and even having some idea as to what
is going on in the world today! |
• |
While there is
obviously Biblical merit to separating from sin and idolatry
in the pursuit of God and realizing by faith our identity in Him, it is
the draconian and ruthless manner in which I feel driven toward such separatism
by what I perceive to be God’s Spirit that unsettles and repulses me.
. . . |
• |
Although
I want to grow spiritually, I am afraid because I have been overwhelmed by
the cross and God did not give any respite despite my call to Him and at
the back of my mind there is this thought: If I grow closer to God, I will
be given a heavier cross. I don’t think I can take any more crosses.
The saints are made of hardier stuff than me. |
• |
You write
that saints love in a real way meaning they give up all carnal things in
the world, even identification about themselves, even anger at God which
is a human emotion at times. Then, your psychology website consistently talks
about acknowledging human feelings or emotions to heal fragmentation but
on the other hand, you write that feelings of simple love, defenses, bribery,
victim thinking, etc. are illusions opposed to real love. So what are saints
giving up if everything in the world is an illusion and that our very humanness
itself is to be denied as an illusion? |
• |
Does nakedness
of spirit mean no pretension or motivation other than God’s will? Does
spiritual purgation mean to take out of motivation or understanding all things
of self motivation? |
• |
What about friends?
How do they fit into a devout life? |
|
Dissent |
• |
You Catholics are homophobic. |
• |
You’re
nuts. Who would ever want to do something this foolish? |
• |
You’re
a psychologist and ostensibly trained in modern science, yet in some places
on this website you speak disparagingly about science. What’s wrong
with science? |
• |
Where do
you get the things you say on your website? The Catechism tells us that
it’s not a sin to fight wars and defend ourselves, and Pope John Paul
II even blessed athletes. How do you justify yourself? |
• |
Aren’t
psychologists merely using psychology as their own psychological defense?
Psychologists seem so quick to call the inferior behavior of others out,
but in reality they are running from their own emotional confusion by an
incessant drive to be in control of the minds and emotions of themselves
and others. |
• |
Someone forwarded
to me your discussion of voting, and in my opinion much of what you have
written is very useful and fully in keeping with the teaching of the Catholic
Church. I would commend to you, however, some consideration of . . .
[etc.]. |
• |
Your site has
a feeling of being quite JUDGMENTAL. I know you quote a great deal from the
Catechism, but I believe that today we ARE a bit more open as our world has
changed? |
• |
I certainly
respect your views although I must disagree with the belief that gay men
and women of good faith are restricted to a celibate way of life in attempting
to fulfill their baptismal vows. |
• |
I have
to say that for me and, I believe, for many other [religious], there exists
an even greater benchmark than the Magisterium of the Roman Catholic Church.
We used to speak of a well-formed conscience and a pure heart shaped by prayer
and the love of God. |
• |
I feel sorry
for your clients unless their [sic] all cloistered monks and nuns, they
only would be able to meet your ridged [sic] demands and I doubt they
would agree with you. |
• |
I can’t
believe what I just read. I am a Catholic and a psychotherapist. I think
you need to step into the present and out of the dark
ages. |
• |
How do you live
in San Francisco and have such a trite understanding of feminism? Catholicism
makes little room for the thinking woman or for that matter the thinking
man. |
• |
. . .
[If Jesus] had been free to choose women as apostles, it’s unlikely
the “infallible” Church would have been harboring male target
pedophiles for centuries—protecting them over children—(What would
Jesus have done, do you think?)—and now facing its own stubborn
disintegration. |
• |
Has anyone ever
told you you come across like a rigid fundamentalist hell fire and brimstone
preacher? Jesus shows compassion for human frailties even to those who
don’t deserve it. |
• |
I have
read your Guide to Psychology and your Chastity websites. A friend told me
about them but there seems to be quite a difference in response to questions.
Psychology shows empathy and concern while the other seems conditional and
almost impatient with the process. Why is there such a difference in
response? |
• |
I would rather
give up on the daily Eucharist, if it means that I can have my soul and my
psyche revived in a different church—everyone claims to have “theeee
one true doctrine” —someone’s gotta be
lying. |
• |
Why don’t
you read the Bible and turn your life over to Jesus? You just parrot Catholic
dogma. |
• |
All you Catholics
do is worship saints and statues. I left the Catholic Church for that
reason. |
|
Faith and Doctrine |
• |
All of this sounds
like medieval theologians arguing about whether chewing on a blade of grass
breaks a fast. What’s the point of nitpicking? |
• |
Why wasn’t
I taught any of this in Church? |
• |
But aren’t
all religions the same? |
• |
I am having
a problem with laziness in Mass attendance and this is frightening me. I
start and stop in my prayer life and Mass
attendance. |
• |
In John 12:32
Jesus says, “And when I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw everyone
to myself.” How can one understand these words when so many people die
without even having heard about Jesus, and if so many people die within so
many non-Christian religious
denominations. |
• |
Then can anyone
be saved outside the Church? |
• |
Well, then,
are we justified by faith or by works? |
• |
It seems
to many of my rather wealthy friends, that . . . when a baptized person
sins—any sin—that sin is only concupiscence. . . . [and that if]
we are called sons and daughters of God as a fact, and not as an honorary
title, how can God send his very own children to hell to suffer unspeakable
tortures for ever and ever and ever? |
• |
What do
the mystics say about prophecy? What about Biblical predictions of the “End
Times”? I hear so many conflicting things about this that I don’t
know what to think.. |
• |
Someone
swears to me, though, now he has accidentally opened/gone into a
“box” inside and has a battle going on with not only demons, but
he speaks with Lucifer himself. |
• |
Perhaps
what started out as a trip to Medjugorje made out of curiosity, or
some more shallow emotion, a desire to see Our Lady perhaps, a need to
“feel good” even . . . at least that soul has gone
out of its way, to draw closer to Christ somehow. Their soul is hungry for
something and they are trying to find food, even if it is cotton
candy. |
• |
I
do think it is very possible that the holy water we find in many churches
today, does not include the exorcism that was used by better informed priests
of former times. The devil is not as real as he once was to many, and so
perhaps in consequence the lengthy exorcisms are seen as
unnecessary? |
• |
Recently, I
heard a discussion on the radio about whether or not homemade hosts, with
eggs and sugar and so on, were acceptable. There was a priest who said that
such hosts made the Mass invalid. Well, what about all the people that day?
What happened to them? Did Christ deny them His
presence. |
• |
Please explain
the difference between a miracle where God interferes with free will and
when God just allows something evil to happen because of
choice. |
• |
I read
Little Cindy’s Letters per your recommendation on the website,
and I was a little disturbed by Rob’s handling of the Marian consecration
part. . . .It almost seemed to imply that Marian consecration
was a distraction to following Christ fully and his logic for asserting possible
demonic consecration instead was a little bizarre. |
• |
I will be
having a debate regarding celibacy and our side is not in favor of practicing
the vow of celibacy. Can you share with me points and views that I can use
to be able to defend our side? |
• |
What do
you think of Cursillo? My priest wants me to go through it and commit to
having group meetings in our parish. He will be one of the spiritual directors.
Several people in our diocese have asked me to be involved as
well. |
• |
I tend to
prefer the traditional Mass, but I also accept the Novus Ordo Mass. I agree
with you when you talk about abuses in the Novus Ordo Mass. But I have had
people use Matthew 23:27 (“on the outside you appear righteous, but
inside you are filled with hypocrisy and evildoing”) to justify abuses
(not their word!), saying that we should be concerned with the intent of
things, not with “obsessive” ceremonies. What does this Biblical
passage really mean? |
• |
I feel like I
am becoming an “Angry trad” and I know this is not what God wants. I wonder why
does this issue make me so mad. Life is about the salvation of souls right? Not
about arguing endlessly over externals in the Liturgy. Why do I feel the need to
constantly learn every argument to protect myself in case I am questioned about
it? Why do I feel I must fight for this and why do I get so angry about it? I feel
that the issue while being about the liturgy is important my overwhelming anger
about it points to something much deeper and I am wondering if you have any insight
as to what that might be? |
• |
My priest has been
making unauthorized additions and changes to the Sacramentary during Mass. Some things
are small and subtle (for example, saying “unnecessary” anxiety in the embolism to the
Lord’s Prayer, or saying “friends” instead of disciples in the Eucharistic prayers),
and other things are more serious, such as making up his own Penitential Rite and
Dismissal. When I told him about this, he looked really angry and said that God is
a loving God who doesn’t send us to hell if we don’t do every little thing “right.”
The next day he gave a homily attacking people who were judgmental, calling them proud
and arrogant. What do you make of this? Was I wrong? |
|
Family Life |
• |
I’m
a devout Catholic, but my adult children have fallen away from the Church.
I pray for them, but is there anything else I should be doing? |
• |
What about
the Supreme Court decision about gay marriage? |
• |
I am desiring
to seek assistance for my family. Right now it is for my 10 year old son.
It is a long story but to come to the present my son is not acting normally.
I believe he can be but is showing abnormal behavior I believe because of
emotional problems, mainly because of our home
environment. |
• |
Recently
my husband started to yell at our son and I tried to stop it. It ended up
with his becoming angry yelling and accusing me. . . . What
I was trying to settle turned out worse. . . . My husband
makes it like nothing ever happened and life goes
on. |
• |
I have
been married to a Baptist for 10 years. I began the marriage very blind and
lost, but have come to know and love the Catholic faith over the course of
those years. My husband was severely physically abused by his father as a
child. He is critical, quick-tempered and seems to always be looking for
a reason to be angry and frustrated. We have 5 daughters and I worry about
what this will do to them emotionally. |
• |
My son
(age three) has “discovered” masturbation. . . .
How do you recommend I handle this
situation. |
• |
I am starting
to feel resentment toward the Catholic Church. . . . Let me explain, I am
a good person (or so I like to think) but I do not have alot of money. I
try very hard to make sure my children are brought up the right way. We use
to go to church every sun or sat night as a family. But then I was told I
don’t put enough money in my
envelopes . |
• |
I am a lawyer
and father of six. I am thus very occupied most of the time. I know being
holy is for all the faithful and I strive to incorporate prayer and penance
throughout my day, revolving around the Eucharist. My question is: Are the
ascetical practices of St. John of the Cross, as you mention on your website,
meant for all or only for the few religious who can devote their entire life
to them. |
• |
Concerning
the lawyer: if you had six kids, what would you do? Are you married? Do you
have kids. |
• |
Regarding the lawyer: most
likely the lawyer is training his children well but I give up. So what happens
now if parents messed up their children? Is it a life sentence to
hell? |
• |
I have always
forgiven, you have no idea for how many things. What I really need . . .
is how to love myself enough to stop the feelings that I keep stuffing down
in order to NOT hurt others. |
• |
I have been
dealing with a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder for a long
time. |
|
Forgiveness and Mercy |
• |
Why be so
strict? We’re only human, and we all make mistakes. God is love, so
God will forgive everything in the end anyway. |
• |
I seem
to be having the . . . problem of being unable to forgive and to
trust. |
• |
Then why do
we say Kyrie, eleison—“Lord, have mercy”? |
• |
What about
the need to know yourself and love yourself? Many can’t love themselves
so they use the love of God instead. |
• |
I
want to know about the concept of reprobation and predestination. Is that
something that can be understood? |
• |
I go to confession
to feel good about myself. Why do you recommend confession to begin the
treatment? |
• |
I was taught
that anger is a bad thing. I’ve had an abusive childhood but it is hard
to feel any anger about it because I feel guilty and afraid about offending
God or blaming my parents. |
• |
My life
has been a mess. Debauchery and perversion too bad to put in writing. A couple
years ago, in my late-40s, I “saw the light” and converted to the
Catholic Church. Your website is a gem. But whenever I try to talk about
this to anyone, it’s just like you say: “indifference, ingratitude,
and contempt.” What am I supposed to do? I’m running out of
patience. |
• |
I am
confused about Saint Faustina. I am reading her book . . . and
I am confused about the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I really thought it was Saint
Margaret Mary that Jesus asked to bring the image of His heart to us. But
Saint Faustina’s book makes me think He gave it to her. Were they both
given the image? Did they live at the same time? I don’t
understand. |
• |
I read
Bishop Knecht’s commentary on the 10 virgins. I understand what he is
saying about the story itself. What I am not getting is how it compares with
stories of God’s mercy. |
|
Guilt and Scruples |
• |
Does
guilt influence dreams? |
• |
Through
much of my life I was convinced (and I still struggle with this issue) that
I could not turn to God. After all, isn’t it a teaching of the Church
that if one isn’t in the state of grace, then one’s prayers are
worthless (except the prayers asking for the grace of
repentance). |
• |
You say that
forgiveness from God is there waiting for my acceptance. . . .
Who’s to say, that as long as I accept God’s forgiveness for my
past, that I won’t do something just as horrible tomorrow and ask for
forgiveness and then say the same thing. |
• |
I am beginning
to realize that I need some professional help . . . . I have
lived outwardly as a “normal person” (others even see me as an
outgoing, cheerful, fun person) while interiorly hiding terrible guilt feelings
and mental anguish. I do not dare tell anyone the truth about me, that I
have lived with secret interior misery and
despair. |
• |
I recently
visited your website to see if you had anything about excessive
anxiety, as I tend to struggle with that. I am a very scrupulous person,
and . . . I tend to agonize over the state of my soul. So to be presented
immediately with the phrase [b]ut by continuing in your self-sabotaging
behavior you show that you would prefer to send yourself to hell just to
prove to someone how much he has hurt you was just about enough to give
me a heart attack. |
• |
What is
the Penitential Rite all about when Catholics proclaim: that I have sinned
through my own fault . . . in what I have done, and in what I have failed
to do. By being passive (not saying “No,” or not defending
your own self) in a sexual assault incident, sodomy, or rape—whatever
you call it—isn’t that failing to do something on your own stupidity,
before the eyes of God, as well as to yourself? |
• |
I let
the fears that I will be yelled at in confession and/or refused absolution
keep me from it. (I have intense panic attacks over the whole confession
experience.) |
|
Hate Mail |
|
[Miscellaneous
hate mail. Pray for the enlightenment and repentance of these souls lost in hatred and feelings of
victimization.] |
|
Healing |
• |
How does one
“give the pain to God”? Simply by praying those words? How does
one heal? What does “healed” mean—pain doesn’t simply
go away. It is the process of healing that I do not understand. |
• |
I have
been hearing some priests talk about temperment recently. How useful a concept
is this in psychology? Can it help me get along better with other people
if I know what their temperment is? |
• |
Too many bad
things have happened to me in my life to trust God. What did I do wrong?
The reality is that God has abandoned me. How can I trust a God who never
answered my prayers? |
• |
Why in spite of my attempts
to get in touch with my anger and my own attempts to face my OCD fears, do I still have this
problem? Are there other spiritual reasons for OCD that you see from what I write
below. |
• |
I am from
an alcoholic family, had my own problems with alcohol, married an alcoholic.
i believe God helped me to no longer desire alcohol. i have been told by
counselor that i am codependent and should go to al-anon. have been for awhile
but cant seem to stick with it. what do you think of aa and
al-anon. |
• |
I am a Presbyterian
minister, and found your comments and statements very illuminating in my
study of the book of Jonah. When I preach through a book, I always try to
ask “why” questions, to get beyond the surface issues to the truth
that sometimes hides on a deeper level. Jonah is certainly a book about following
God’s direction and leading, but I wanted to know why Jonah made so
many suicidal references in this short
book. |
• |
The question came
up, “What, then, is the purpose in suffering, and
healing (or lack of it)?” . . . . I believe, especially
in Job’s case, the point to which God was driving Job was to recognize
the self-righteousness under which he was
living. |
• |
I don’t
understand the story of Jephthah and his daughter. Why did God stop Abraham
from sacrificing Isaac but then allow Jephthah to sacrifice his daughter?
It doesn’t seem fair. |
• |
I wonder
about evil. It would be easy to say the devil made me do it! |
• |
I could write
a long list of things I need to change. Every sin that I cling to and every
temptation that I face knows I am an easy target. I am amazed that I am not
an alcoholic or a drug addict. I can’t control myself. The list would
be never-ending, I think. There are a lot of reasons for me to hate myself.
And I am trying to fix me. I just can’t seem to do
it. |
• |
Would Jesus
the shepherd see the lost sheep as an unworthy sheep for wandering off? If
Jesus thought so he might scold the sheep without loving him and caring for
his wounds. Maybe then Jesus would give up and leave the sheep there to die
lost in his pain. Maybe the sheep needs many lessons of love from Jesus so
he will not keep wandering off away from the
shepherd. |
• |
How about
talking directly about Carl Rogers and his effect on the Catholic
Church. Leave out the hell, fire and brimstone and give a logical explanation
of how the humanistic, person centered theory doesn’t work in the
Church. |
• |
I was
helping my mother with some shopping, and while I was waiting in front of
a store by myself, some guy started yelling at me to move out of the way.
He was pulling back in a large black SUV, had a very loud voice, and was
very rude and insulting and just not the type of person I am used to dealing
with. . . . I begrudgingly moved rather than step out, but
also gave him the middle finger, which I admit was stupid but it drove me
crazy that he called me an idiot with such malice in his
voice. |
• |
I
don’t understand why God doesn’t heal amputees, and, as always,
I am on the fence on the issue of religion. |
• |
I have read your
information on DID, and what nags at me is whether or not this disorder is
ever able to be fully cured. |
• |
Especially around
the anniversary of 9-11 we keep hearing about good coming out of evil acts.
How can that be? How can good ever come from evil, especially, in particular,
evil sexual acts when they have changed someone’s life
forever? |
• |
The Church
is strict about respect for life at any stage. What about the proposed policy
by the Bishops to excuse a priest for ruining the life of just one child
through sexual abuse? How is that showing respect for life? Isn’t that
a contradiction and cop out by the Church? |
• |
How do you get
well if you don’t even know you are sick? |
|
Matrimony |
• |
Lust in marriage? |
• |
What then are
the odds that we will find, and recognize, another who is at the same point,
or at least of the same will, so that we engage in a healthy relationship?
And if we don’t, then what becomes of the yearning to generate and nurture
a union that is more than the sum of two individuals? |
• |
On
the subject of purpose of marriage (procreation), how does it affect a married
couple whose children have grown and the wife is no longer of child-bearing
age? |
• |
What about
the marriage then, as a holy union, especially when procreation is not
possible? |
• |
In Catholic
marriage which emphasizes procreation, what about an older couple creating
a holy union in marriage that includes a life of love in serving God together
in the Church but where sexual pleasure is still an obvious
consideration? |
• |
How do we reconcile Saint
Paul’s words with my understanding of the faith presented on your website? It seems like a
higher, narrower and much more noble way than what Paul is proposing, or at least making
allowances for. |
• |
I am
a 34 year old female, married for seven years. We have no children and we
have never used birth control. . . . Can it be that some of us are called
to things other than parenthood? |
• |
Do you think
that . . . a couple pleases God by making love within marriage
when they don’t desire or intend any more children? Or do you agree
that a couple which wishes truly to please God should (mutually, of course)
put sex aside out of their lives after the birth of the last child, and
concentrate their energies on their and their children's
salvation? |
• |
Would you say
that sex exists primarily for procreation and family not any kind of
self-fulfillment? The pleasure aspect of sex being an accidental part of
procreation used primarily for ego-building? |
• |
I
wonder if you could give some clear guidance about divorce and remarriage
in the Church. |
• |
All
the holiness and life in perfection is worth nothing compared to the gift
of having [one’s] own child. Even if the child and the mother both suffer
to hell and back. . . . my empty life, filled with religion, is pitiful
misery. |
• |
I’ve
been a stay at home mom since my first son was born, but I want to go back
to school (not immediately, but in the next couple of years) and slowly (one
class a semester) work on my Masters so I can eventually become a therapist.
But this would most likely mean no more kids. This causes a lot of fear for
me that I’m letting God down (the same God I can barely believe
exists). |
• |
I fear
that I’ll go to hell if I don’t follow these rules, fear that if
I do follow the rules and refrain from sex my marriage will suffer severely
(my husband would not tolerate no sex), fear that if I do keep getting pregnant
I’ll be even more overwhelmed than I am now. And I fear how all of this
will affect the kids I do have. |
• |
I have had a
nightmare marriage. My husband has been condescending in non-stop ways. I
have been henpecked and could do nothing right. He has disciplined me in
front of the children. . . . I feel he is oversexed and does not understand
the word “No” in bed. |
• |
I have
long suspected my husband suffers from BPD. He can be sweet and loving at
times, but all I have to do is disagree with him about something and a mask
of rage and hatred comes over him. He then viciously attacks and devalues
me, and afterward never shows any remorse for the wounding he caused
me. |
• |
I’m married over
20 years, have [several] great kids and a wonderful wife.
Here’s the deal: For the past 27 years I have not been able to stop
thinking about my high school girlfriend. |
• |
Is it adultery
when a husband fantasizes about pornography before or during sex? Should
the wife have to comply with his wishes? |
• |
My husband
is living with another woman and is, of course committing adultery. What
is the catholic doctrine in regards to me having sex with my husband while
he is committing adultery? |
• |
Why does the
9th Commandment say, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife?”
Why doesn’t it also say, husband or spouse in
general? |
• |
I recently
met a man who says I’m a gift from God to him. But his wife divorced
him almost 20 years ago and I’ve been told I can’t marry him in
the Catholic Church. It’s not fair. Why would the Church be obsessed
with what happened 20 years ago? |
• |
I am quite
comfortable without marriage. What do I need a husband for? I can still have
children with my partner. |
|
Sexuality |
• |
What does
“the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit” mean, and how does
this impact on your ideas about chastity and human sexuality? |
• |
I don’t know the difference
between modesty and the desire to be “invisible” based on insecurity and fear. |
• |
I know many
gays and lesbians who are very nice persons. So why should they be rejected
by the Catholic Church? |
• |
What’s wrong
with sex? God created me the way I am, with all my desires. Celibacy is just
a medieval attempt by the Church to repress homosexuality. |
• |
But sex is
natural. How can you deny that? |
• |
Do you have
any thoughts on sexual feelings during prayer? |
• |
Can you explain
something about the theological meaning of the orgasm, especially the female
orgasm? |
• |
About
a year ago I went to confession and confessed masturbation and looking at
pornography and the number of times, also going to communion before confessing
these sins. My priest told me that it was not a mortal sin in my case because
it was leading me towards love and I should continue to take
communion. |
• |
I am getting
overly upset about society’s portrayal of women as sex
objects. . . . This is, obviously, having a negative effect
on my current relationship. I am interested in self-help. . . .
I don’t want the “easy way,” I want the cold hard
truth. |
• |
I was sexually
abused by my father and raped by my uncles. Now I’m a Lesbian, and I
know that God loves me. |
• |
I was exposed
to pornography as a child. . . . I was a frequent
masturbator. . . . Between 1996 and 2001, I engaged in a series
of regrettable sexual acts. . . I am asking you if I pose
a danger to society and if so what I steps I should be taking to put an end
to that danger. I am also asking for some guidance as to any steps that I
should be taking to deal with the above noted pattern of behavior. |
• |
I woke
up during the night because I felt an odd sort of external presence around
me, an eerie presence, like evil and seductive, that felt like it was smothering
me, and I couldn’t move or protect myself because my body felt completely
paralyzed. Can you explain what this was all about? |
• |
I know the Church
has this thing about not using condoms, but what’s the best way to stop
AIDS, psychologically speaking? |
• |
How do I undo
a vow of celibacy? I made a personal vow not to have sexual relationships
but it is too hard to keep. Now I am miserable. What can I do now? |
• |
Why do religious
and clerics have such a hard time with celibacy? |
|
Sin |
• |
Does not all
sin come from woundedness? It seems that each time I self-examine for sin,
what I find is tied to my own woundedness. So, is it really to be guilty
over or simply to be healed? |
• |
What
is an unforgivable sin? Is it the same as a sin against the Holy
Spirit? |
• |
But what if
we were taught, more often than not, how to be kind to one another through
charity? Don’t you think sin would then take a back seat? Reading about
sin all of the time is depressing. |
• |
I wonder
about the Bible passage that says to let your anger “be without
sin.” Then it talks about wrath and not letting the devil work on you.
What does that all mean? I thought wrath was sin, so what is “anger
without sin”? |
• |
Recently I
went to Confession and told the priest about the difficulty I’m having
in trying to stop smoking. The priest told me to think of it like the thorn
in the flesh mentioned by Saint Paul. I like this explanation because it
gives me permission to keep smoking. |
|
Social Responsibility |
• |
It is obvious
that we live in very sinful times and are bombarded with encountering people
with no knowledge or with antipathy of the teachings of Christ and His
Church. Now, during my social interaction with others, when am I bound,
under pain of mortal sin, to admonish sinners, correct them, and tell them
that this or that is wrong in the eyes of
God? |
• |
Reading across
the different responses on your Q&A to questions concerning social issues, I
am a little confused about what exactly we should be doing about the abortion
issue. |
• |
By today’s
contemporary ideas in self help psychology such as making personal choices
and the victimization of women etc., who is responsible for the fall of
“man,” Adam or Eve as it reads in the Bible? How is today’s
psychology the same or different from what the Bible says? |
• |
In my culture
we have the concept of honor, and if someone insults me or my family,
I won’t take it. |
• |
What about
terrorism? Surely we have a legal right to avenge ourselves. |
• |
But there
are real social problems that need to be fixed. I need to be involved in
the fight. How else will anything get accomplished? |
• |
Then what about
peace on earth? How will there be peace if we don’t work to make it
happen? |
• |
But the
Bible is filled with stories of war. The Israelites defended themselves with
God’s approval. |
• |
I think,
however, that your comments on the futility of protest are wrong and are
not in accordance with the teachings of the Catholic
Church. |
• |
Can
a lone person have much effect on people whose minds are already closed? |
• |
Should
the Church issue moral guidelines on how to potentially mitigate damage to
others if a person is already intent on committing mortal sins, for example,
by using condoms to reduce the risk of spreading
AIDS?. |
• |
I have
wondered how you have been doing in San Francisco with the absurdities now
taking place with the marriage licenses. |
|
Struggle for Holiness |
• |
I discovered
your Web site . . . in the way almost all gold mines are discovered
— that is, while looking for something else. What I had (perhaps foolishly)
hoped to find was hard and fast rules about the competency of a person to
give spiritual direction, and that is because I am distressed over the last
meeting I had with my own spiritual director. . . . perhaps
. . . my director is being controlled by his own flaws. |
• |
I see
my current confessor maybe twice a week (he said to call him anytime
I need to) to confess my failing in relation to the issue of impurity and
he gives me absolution after a decent chat. . . . In short,
I think we are becoming a little too close, and that we may be using confession
as a way of making up for a lack of close friendships. I also question the
theological integrity of his advice about impurity. |
• |
While I was
at college, I had a professor (a Benedictine Monk) tell us that homosexual
acts are not condemned by the Bible. . . . Once I heard this from the monk,
I allowed my curiosity to go further and was involved with a girl for about
7+ months. . . . Please let me know what you think—could I be a candidate
for religious life or not? |
• |
I live
a spiritual life in my own way. Why go to church? It’s just filled with
hypocrites anyway. |
• |
When
it comes to speaking in tongues, I myself have never desired to pray in
this way, but I cannot condemn others if God inspires them, and I mean a
genuine inspiration. But what is real and what is false? What is the Holy
Spirit and what is simply human emotion trying to find satisfaction in the
wrong places? |
• |
You talk
about masochism on the psychology website, but isn’t masochism the same
as humility? If not, what is the difference? |
• |
My abusive
mother was an immaculate housekeeper and I’m not. When I’m
at home, I’m either reading or writing, and keeping house and washing
dishes just isn’t on my radar screen until it’s absolutely necessary.
. . . Do you have any comments about this? |
• |
[I am preparing
to enter an RCIA program, and everyday is a new test and I feel like I am
failing every one of them. I feel like the tests are here to show me that
I can’t do this. Even at Church today I felt helpless. The reading [Luke
9:51-62] was talking about the disciples of Jesus and I didn’t understand
what was going on. What is He trying to tell me? . . . Why
would Jesus not want us to bury our dead? |
• |
I continue to
question why you stay in California. It seems every day I hear more and more
about what distressful things are coming out of that
State. |
• |
Have
you . . . read anything on St. Ignatius and the Spiritual
Exercises—especially discernment of
spirits? |
• |
I saw a TV program
the other day where a group of religious and non-religious people were discussing
faith and mental health. A psychologist mentioned the harmful effect it can
have on some adolescents and in some cases it can be linked to
OCD. |
• |
I wonder about
God’s need to have us praise him. It’s in the Gloria, in the Te
Deum, and in a lot of the Psalms. Sometimes it makes me think of God like
an insecure Third World dictator who needs praise to make himself feel
powerful. |
|
Student training |
• |
Your approach
to psychological healing is precisely what I feel called
to do, and I was hoping you might have some advice or insight on graduate
programs you have experienced or would recommend for consideration. |
|
Miscellaneous |
• |
Should a
homosexual couple that love each other (not “common love” but real love) and want to
start a family through adoption be allowed to marry? I am asking this question because
I am considering becoming a Catholic priest, and I think we both know that homosexuals
are not permitted to marry in the Catholic faith, yet I have always felt that homosexuals
should have the right to marry. I have had much tension over this issue so I am asking
you because your perspective is unbiased and loving. |
• |
Why do you
use dream interpretation? I don’t dream. |
• |
Over the
past few days and years, I have realized number connections with my dreams
and certain phrases that come to my mind. I don’t make numbers a religion,
of course, but I don’t fully understand why these things happen in my
unconscious. |
• |
Recently
I heard about a case of child abuse in which an infant was killed by the
mother’s boyfriend. Someone asked me what will become of the infant’s
soul, because the infant had not been baptized. What should I say? |
• |
I have been having
a lot of death thoughts. . . . I have become obsessed with death. |
• |
What do you think
of the Harry Potter and Tolkien fantasy books? |
• |
What
do you think about Medjugorje? A lot of people have gone there, and I was
wondering if I should go. |
• |
Danger of the COVID-19
vaccine? |
• |
How come the
media hasn’t covered sexual abuse in Protestant churches? How is it
different from sexual abuse in the Catholic Church? |
• |
What if we
don’t feel happy all of the time and what if we don’t want to spend
money? Should we feel guilty about that, like we are not helping our country? |
• |
What is money? |
• |
What happens after following
your spiritual counsels for 3 months? I mean, will I need psychotherapy? |
• |
What are
your standard office policies? |
• |
What sort of
education and training do you have? |
