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Is it
adultery when a husband fantasizes about pornography before or during sex with his wife?
Should the wife have to comply with his wishes? Is she considered a prude
for feeling this is immoral? Is she morally responsible for her part in the
act?
 n general, the Sixth Commandment
(“You shall not commit adultery”) can be best understood by first
asking, “What exactly is the nature of God’s
love?” Well, it is pure, and it doesn’t
manipulate anyone for personal gain or pleasure, and it doesn’t demean
anyone. So when God says to us, “Be holy, for I am holy” He is
telling us to love as He loves.
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Pornography derives
from the urge to defile an “other.” On the surface, it may seem
that pornography is simply about erotic pleasure.
But when the human body is made into a biological toy, it is stripped of
all human dignity, and this defilement is an act of aggression. The hostility
may be unconscious or it may be openly violent, but, either way, it has its
basis in resentment. And to whom is the resentment directed? Well, as in
all things psychological, the resentment goes back to the parents. Deep down,
under all the apparent excitement, and despite the attraction to what is
seen, lurks the dark urge to hurt and insult—to “get back
at”—what is behind the scenes: a
mother who devoured, rejected, or abandoned, rather
than nurtured, or a father who failed to teach,
guide, and protect. |
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Pornography, therefore, turns
a person into an object to be used for
personal pleasure—and that’s not love.
It’s lust. Moreover, fantasizing about another body
while having sex with one’s spouse defiles the holy reproductive nature of sex,
and that defiles the spouse and therefore idolizes illusions—and
that’s not love. It’s lust. Furthermore, a second person participating knowingly in
the first person’s illusion makes that second person into a sex toy, not a holy spouse.
That defiles the spouse, and that defiles love—and that’s not love. It’s
lust.
So, to sum it up then, whatever
is not pure and holy love, free from lust,
is immoral.
Now, is this fantasy lust
adultery? Well, the best answer to this question is the warning that
Christ Himself gave us: But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman
with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew
5:28).
What the
Catechism of the Catholic Church says:
2354 Pornography
consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the
partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends
against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving
of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants
(actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure
and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion
of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent
the production and distribution of pornographic materials.
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