wrong with sex? God created me the way I am, with all my desires. Celibacy
is just a medieval attempt by the Church to repress homosexuality.
es, Gods creation is
For You love
all things that are
and loathe nothing that You have made;
for what You hated, You would not have fashioned.
And how could a thing remain, unless You willed it;
or be preserved, had it not been called forth by You?
But You spare all things, because they are Yours,
O LORD and lover of souls
for Your imperishable spirit is in all things!
Yet listen to what follows from
rebuke offenders little by little, warn them,
and remind them of the sins they are committing,
that they may abandon their wickedness and believe in You,
The Call Away
Gods creation is good.
God loves His creation. God created us to be goodto be capable of sharing
in divine love. Knowing we have fallen into
sin and disobedience,
He still loves us. But does this mean that anything goes and
that everyone will go to heaven? Well, no. God loves us by
calling us out of our sinsthe very offenses that separate souls
from God in this life (and that separate souls from God eternally in
hell) if they are not
repented. When the Jews talked about God wiping
away sins, they referred to Gods willingness to allow us to be
reconciled to Him if we repented our sins. Gods willingness for
reconciliation with us was later sealed with bloodChrists
bloodas a contract, the New Covenant of Christianity.
Our part in this contract is to
love God with all our mind, all our heart, all our soul, and all our
Yet most Christians today love
God only intellectuallywith their mindswhile their heart, soul,
and strength is given over to the hope of feeling wanted and loved by the
world. Oh, they love God, so they believe, but deep in their heart they are
consumed by the lusts of the flesh.
Now, in regard to your question,
nothing is wrong with sex in the context of Holy Matrimony, as
long as it doesnt degenerate into lust.
Something, though, seems to be wrong with your theology. Youre confusing
celibacy and chastity. Moreover, youre mistaking desire
for love. All desire, unless it is pure desire for divine love, is
misplaced desire, and must be called back from
Between Celibacy and Chastity
refers to the state of being unmarried, whether through simple personal choice
or by a formal vow; the celibacy of the priesthood goes back to Christs
ministry: to His own example, and to the tradition carried on by His
refers to abstinence from all sexual activity which is not open to procreation
between a man and a woman within the indissoluble bond of
Holy Matrimony and family. Chastity derives
from the essential message of Christs preaching: that the Kingdom of
Heaven is not of this world and renders meaningless all cultural and personal
Our entire culture been duped by the
entertainment industry, an industry that for decades has been working subversively
through movies and television to destroy traditional Christian family values
and to glamorize the sin of lust in our culture. For example, it may seem
on the surface that the woman has been idealized, because she stands
at the center of all erotic imagery, but the underlying
motive has been to defile Christian feminine
modesty, stripping the female body of its holy
dignity and reducing it, often with violent overtones, to a soulless
The end result is that our secular
culture worships sexuality as its goddess, and all Christians, even those
with same-sex attractions, are surrounded with temptation to abandon their
baptismal promises and to partake of the
Today, even Christians have been duped
by the anti-Christian progressive liberal agenda of the entertainment
industry into believing that sin is normal and acceptable
and that sexual pleasure is necessary for our happiness. As a result, instead
of taking personal responsibility to detach
themselves from social illusions, many Christians
willingly consume them, over and over.
You have been duped into believing
that you can use your own body to heal your emotional despair, and so sin
enslaves you even as you are told that sin does not exist. You have been duped by
anti-Christian cultural brainwashing, and you dont even realize it.
The Allure of
In todays world, all human cultures
have, in one way or another, been seduced us into believing that
Satanic perversion (Do what thou wilt)
is not Satanic at all, but that it is just an innocent matter of human
freedom. Therefore we believe that we have the “right” to reach out and take what we
Thus common “love”—or romantic love—has
an unholy allure, though it differs for men and women. Men experience an aggressive
desire to devour: to take from the other what they want until, like an
overinflated balloon, they explode with an orgasm. Women experience a desire to
be desired. They enjoy the power and satisfaction of seduction—of making
themselves seen and desired—until they experience an implosion of orgasmic relief
for finally being possessed by the desire of an other.
But consider this more deeply.
What does all of this mean, psychologically? Taking what you wantmaking
yourself seenhaving powerfeeling desiredbeing possessed?
Isnt this all a compensation for feelings of inferiority, weakness,
and vulnerability? Its all an immediate way of getting something
to overcome the emotional hurt of childhood insecurity. Romance, therefore,
is a game, a way to even the score with
the emotional pains of childhood.
True love, in contrast, is not
a gameits reality raised to the level
of the divine.
True love is
far more difficult than common love because true love is
given, not receivedand certainly not madeand it
must be given with no expectation or hope of getting anything in
Love is of the
Now, you could use comparative
anthropology to document all the varieties of human sexuality throughout
history, the pagan delight in eros (erotic passion), the different
cultural origins of polygamy and monogamy, and even the primitive origins
of matrimony in the Hieros Gamos between gods and women. But none
of it means anything, really, because Christ instituted a new reality for
us, a reality based not on the flesh but on the
a reality based not on finding personal satisfaction in a romantic desire
for another person but on serving others through holy
My love so delights
the soul that it destroys every other joy which can be expressed by man here
below. The taste of Me extinguishes every other taste; My light blinds all
who behold it . . .
as told to Saint Catherine
Spiritual Doctrine, Part III, Chapter VII
The theological proof of
this mystical understanding is obvious: look as hard as you can, but you
will never find a single reference in the New Testament to romantic
relationships. Sexuality has a temporal value in regard to the sacrament
of Holy Matrimony for the sake of raising a family
in holy service to God, but it has no enduring place in the Kingdom of
At the resurrection
they neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like the angels in
Real love is not
self-indulgence. Real love does not plead with desperate, hollow eyes for
recognition from an other. Real love never turns to hate. Real love never becomes
a cult. Real love never ends.
Why? Because real love, as Saint Thomas
Aquinas explained, is to wish the good of
someone.  Real
love is an act of will. Real love is, as Christ showed us through His personal
example, total sacrifice of self for the sake of the
salvation of others.
Eroticism has its basis in human
survival. Our sexual organs have a natural, erotic potential so that primitive
men and women would be inclined to copulate and reproduce. But this natural
tendency is the result of Original sin, not of
Gods original plan for humanity. So, as humanity matured, God gave
us His commandments to protect us from the raw
desires that make the body into a fetish, desires
that cause us to see our reproductive organs as nothing more than the means
to enjoy a raw pleasure severed from moral responsibility to the divine.
Consequently, without Gods guidance, we are led by our desires far
astray from the holy purpose God intends for us.
If you obey the
commandments of the LORD, your God, which I enjoin on you today, loving him,
and walking in his ways, and keeping his commandments, statutes and decrees,
you will live and grow numerous, and the LORD, your God, will bless you in
the land you are entering to occupy. If, however, you turn away your hearts
and will not listen, but are led astray and adore and serve other gods, I
tell you now that you will certainly perish.
And so, despite its glamorous
portrayal in popular entertainment, eroticism
love. Eroticism is not an expression of a man and
a woman bonding into a family by their mutual love for God. Eroticism strips
sexuality of its divinely intended functionreproductionand reduces
it to an exchange of using and being used. Eroticism is a form of
idolatrya body adoring a body, an expression of the lowest levels of
desirethe allure of which resides in
immediate, tangible gratification. Eroticism turns your heart away from God
and leads you astray to serve the illusory glamor of lust.
Moreover, as the blatantly dark
Satanic side of eroticism shows us, lust has at its core a
rejection of the Holy and a desire for the domination and defilement of others.
Consider the most common curse in contemporary society: F*** you!
Does that give you a clue? Consider also that Satanic rituals are conducted
in the nude. Does that give you another clue? Social nudity is not an experience
of a natural truth of the body; it is not honest,
and it does not mean that nothing is hidden. Instead, it uses
the lure of bodily gratification to draw attention away from the truth of
the soul and to defile the souls opportunity to grow pure in chaste
desire to erotically arouse another person in
the context of romance is not an act of giving. The deep psychological truth
is that such a desire masks a more hidden desire: to manipulate someone
because you have been manipulated by others. That is, because you as a child
felt the helplessness and resentment of being emotionally and physically manipulated
by your parents, as an adult you will unconsciously compensate for
this helplessness by seeking out ways to manipulate others. You can do this with
wealth, you can do this with politics, you can do
this with education, you can do this with
social status, you can do this with
physical strength, and you can do this with lust.
Sad to say, therefore, the thrill of arousing lust in another person is really
an act of self-serving power over that person.
Therefore, the unpleasant truth is
that all sexuality not ordered to its natural function—reproduction—
is predatory. It may seem that someone is “making love” but all he or she is
doing is “feeding on” the erotic pleasure of another person. With reproduction
taken out of the experience, all sexual acts becomes defiled as lust and reduced
to an act of devouring.
Pornography, in its own subtle
way, derives from the urge to use someone for your pleasure because,
as a child, you were used by others. On the surface, it may seem
that pornography is simply about erotic pleasure. But when the human body
is made into a biological toy, it is stripped of all human dignity, and this
defilement is an act of aggression. The hostility may be unconscious or it
may be openly violent, but, either way, it has its basis in
So, to whom is the resentment
directed? Well, as in all things psychological, the resentment goes back
to the parents. Deep down, under all the apparent excitement, and despite
the attraction to what is seen, lurks the dark urge to
hurt and insultto get revenge forwhat
is behind the scenes: a mother who devoured, rejected, or abandoned,
rather than nurtured, or a father who failed to teach, guide, and protect.
Thus, when you feel resentment for feeling depriveddeprived of recognition,
guidance, acceptance, resources, or timeyou are drawn to pornography,
and even though it may feel exciting, you are really defiling
Have you ever
wondered why you are drawn to pornography even though you know it is evil
and can tell yourself that it is wrong? Well, its the revenge you
cravethe subtle revenge of using others as you have been used. So long
as your emotional pain and resentment stay hidden from your conscious awareness,
you will be drawn to pornography through an unconscious and irresistible
of Common Love
O Lord, my boyfriend
asked me to have sex, but I told him that sex is for marriage and
The Christian sacrament of Holy
Matrimony protects the holiness of a living sexual activity (i.e.,
sexual activity that is open to procreation) within a marriage blessed by
the Catholic Church, but all other sexual activity is just a dead, bartered
transaction, an empty game, a form of
narcissism which rejects the true love in which
God created us. This narcissism consequently defiles the souls mystical
union with God.
In this adulterous betrayal of
God, common love does nothing except make your partner
into an object of your own pleasure so as to
seduce the despair of your own
emptiness. Yet the price for using common
love as a temporary escape from emptiness is everlasting emptiness
itself: eternal separation from God.
The psychological proof of the
emptiness of common love can be found in all botched
relationships: what starts out sweet turns sourthat is,
once your needs are not met, this common love suddenly switches
into hatred and spite. But true love, as I said
above, never turns to hate and never ends.
impossible to fill our own bodily emptiness with
an external presence. We cant alleviate our emptiness with
cigarettes, or erotic
fantasies, or sports,
or entertainment, or anything else generated
by our culture. Our
lack can be filled only with the Body
and Blood of Christ.
The Body of Christ
is faith, by which we see the invisible Father in
the visible appearance of bread. And the Blood of Christ is
love, for there is no greater love than to shed
your blood to save someone from destruction.
Real Love in Real Marriage
Now, if you want a good image
of Holy Matrimony, take a piece of string about a foot long and tie two small
weights to the string, one weight on each end of the string. Then stretch
the string out on a table. What happens? Nothing. All right. So now grasp
the string in the middle and lift it straight up off the tableand,
as the weights are lifted by the string, they will swing
In a similar way, a marriage
blessed by the Catholic Church is not made by a man and a woman drawing
themselves together by their own efforts. Holy Matrimony is made when a man
and a woman, through their mutual love for God, welcome Christ into their
lives to lift them up into divine love and service. Holy Matrimony, therefore,
never ends because it does not begin in the individualsit
begins in the eternally enduring covenant of love between God and
The Call to Be
And, believe it or not, that
eternally enduring covenant of love is what the call to Christianity
is all about, whether in Holy Matrimony or in celibacy. As Christ emptied
Himself in order to become humanto bring
forgiveness and to show us loveso we must
empty ourselves of all that is not love in order to be drawn up into divine
love, to become holy, and to lead others to holiness. Be holy, for I am
holy (Leviticus 11:45, 19:2, 20:7; 1 Peter 1:16; cf. Matthew
Do you think
that Gods commands are some arbitrary set of rules created by dictatorial
whim? The commands flow from love, to protect us from
When Saint Paul
warned us that by works of the law no one will be justified he meant
simply that justificationthat is,
redemptionis not a
magical process. A mere legal or ritual act,
performed simply as an act, has no meaning. Justification is about love on
Gods part for our sake, and our response to that love has to come from
the heart. Even the celebration of the
Eucharist is not a mere actits
a liturgical act, the work of the people. And it is hard
The proof is in Christ Himself.
Love one another as I have loved you, He said. Did He cheat us,
lie to us, kill unborn children, or desire the death of His enemies? Did
He use us for His sexual pleasure or to find self-fulfillment?
No. Instead He suffered for us, as an act of
mercy. In His Passion He showed us what
love isand what it has always been: a call
away from sin into holiness. And then He called us
to live a life of love, within Him, free from our own
identities. Thus Paul says, I have been
crucified with Christ, and the life I live now is not my
The mystics learned this lesson
of the call to be holy, and they learned something else, too. They learned
from personal experience that, just as the Apostles preached, you only come
to understand the truth of these things by submitting to them. Its
freedom, not repression.
remember that you have been called to live in freedombut not a
freedom that gives free rein to the flesh.
So if you arent willing
to give up everythingincluding any sexual
identityyou are holding back
something from your service to God. Youre trying to serve two masters,
as it were, and thus you cut yourself off from receiving all the
graces God has to offer for the sake of your
salvation. Sadly, if you withhold
anythingwhether it be eroticism, or wealth, or power, or intellectual
presumption, or even the pride of wanting revenge
on those who hurt youfrom the work of your spiritual
purification, there will always be in your heart
some dark selfishness which resists true love and
holds you in slavery to
Esau sold his
birthright for a serving of stew (Genesis 25: 2934), and many Christians
today are just as willing to sell their birthrighttheir
baptismal birthrightfor an
Thats why a culture
of sexin which reproductive sexuality has been stripped of its
lifedooms itself to being a culture of
1. That is, the body does not have meaning in
itself; the body has meaning in its being the temple
of the Holy Spirit.
2. St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica.
I-II, 26, 4.
3. See, for example, Isaiah (54:4-8; 62:1-12),
Jeremiah (32:36-41), Ezekiel (16:1-63), Hosea (2:4-25), and the Song of Songs.
The writers of these works all use motifs of the pagan eros, easily
understood by the secular cultures to whom they wrote, to explain Gods
love for Israel.