getting overly upset about societys portrayal of women as sex
objects. . . . I would just like to be able to not have an
emotional reaction every time Howard Stern comes on, or I find the Maxim
magazine my boyfriend hid under the couch. I just want to not
care. . . . This is, obviously, having a negative effect on
my current relationship. I am interested in self-help. . . .
I dont want the easy way, I want the cold hard
ell, if you want the cold hard
truth, you shall have it. Sit down.
begin with, imagine one group of women who do not concern themselves with
make-up, or fashion, or mindless chatting and texting on their cell phones.
They arent troubled by how society sees women. Theyre
nuns, and they have dedicated their lives to serving their God in devout
prayer and selfless service.
Now, maybe this image, as perfectly
Christian as it is, is a bit too difficult for you. So imagine another group
of women who also live in calm certainty about their lives: married women
who through Holy Matrimony have bonded with their husbandsas their
husbands have bonded with themin devout service to their God. To them,
marriage is not a way to fill their emotional
emptiness with self-satisfaction, but it is an act of lifetime service to
God through family with undoubted fidelity and no escape clause but
Most likely, thats still
an image that makes you nervous. In fact, it makes almost everyone nervous.
For example, most persons in this world today cannot sit in a car without
turning on the radio to drown out their emotional loneliness.
So lets look at your real
problem. You say you have a boyfriend, and I can imagine that you are not
living in chaste anticipation of Holy Matrimony.
Youre involved in a sexual relationship, and
that in itself causes the very problem that troubles you.
Once you strip the concept of
relationship of its chaste and holy dignity and reduce it essentially
to a self-satisfying sporta game designed to drown out your emotional
lonelinessthen you place yourself on the playing field as a blatant
sexual object in full competition with all the other players. Any woman who
has a more pretty face or larger breasts or more shapely legs, or who is
taller or thinner or more rich or more socially connected or more glamorous
or more fashionably dressed is, by definition, a rival and a threat to your
security. And even if in anger you try to assault
the gaze of the world with body fat,
tattoos, body piercings galore, and purple hair,
you dont really leave the playing field, you just take up new, sometimes
covert, tactics in the competitive
Moreover, when you do step into
the competition, you commit three
First, you defile
Christian charity, because competition is a rejection
of the Christian call to be mutually cooperative (Philippians 2:3-4).
Second, you evince
a lack of trust in God; instead of praying for Gods will to be done,
you take matters into your own hands to get what you think you need.
Third, you incite
lust, because, to be competitive with other women, you have to dress sexy
to get attention, and sexy is, well, certainly not a Christian virtue.
A woman in jeans
is a woman in sinand it all goes downhill from there.
You See Yourself
So, in the end, realize that
you cant be a Christian by doing what everyone else does
in an anti-Christian society. Realize also that
you cant battle society itself. You cant use
politics to change the
spiritual blindness of human society. All
you can do is change how you see yourself. And when you learn
to see yourself from the perspective of true love
and self-giving, not from the perspective of personal
desire, you shall have found the cold, hard truth
about genuine, meaningful life.