of your procrastination and self-sabotage
is anger at your parents. Most individuals, however, will
unconsciously hide this fact from themselves because itís a difficult thing to admit.
They feel shame for having this anger because they believe that it makes them
ďbadĒ persons. Then they feel guilt
for having it because they tell themselves that their parents did so many good things that
being angry with them is only ingratitude.
Yet, like it or not, that anger lurking in the shadows
of your heart is causing your self-defeating behavior.
You stay stuck in self-defeating behavior no matter how
much others do for you. No matter how much other persons do for you to try to help you, itís never
enough. Why? Well, you really crave the help of your parents, not the help of others, and if your
parents wonít change their ways and see how much youíre suffering, then you will want to throw your
suffering in their faces in the hope that then they will see their mistakes and change their behavior.
And, well, even if your parents are dead you will throw your suffering in Godís face, as if to say,
ďLook what you did to me! Why didnít you stop them from being so cruel to me?Ē
For the sake of your success, itís important to get past
this barrier of anger.
God is always pouring His graces upon you, but your anger
blinds you to seeing those graces.
God allows difficulties and trials to afflict you so
that you might recognize your angry response to them and then finally see how much
your anger hurts you. Moreover, God allowed the difficulties and trials of your childhood so that
you could learn that your only hope is in Him, not in others.
But you made a mistake. You told yourself that your only
hope was in wringing justice from the world with your angry hands.
For the sake of your success, itís important to admit that
you made a mistake. Admit it, though, without blaming yourself. Admit it with compassion for the child
you once were who, in pushing you into anger, was only trying to protect
you from a cruel world. Admit it with the hope that you can have something more to cling to than
self-defeating anger. Admit it with the hope that you will have something more to cling to than
self-defeating anger. Admit it with prayer.
The concept of this prayer came to me in a vision early one
morning in September 2012. It took me a while to find the words to put it into language, but now its
available for you to hold in your own hands.
Desire and Distraction
booklet as a companion.
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with your mailing address, printed legibly, to my address below.
Raymond Lloyd Richmond,
55 New Montgomery Street, Suite 420
San Francisco, CA 94105-3429